@paperphotoyo: Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
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@Harbinger_one: Got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-11 last night. Hope I don't catch slurpees.
@MsCarlissima: My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, "Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you." *Soft kiss*
@slyoung5: Good news: He told me I was his penguin. Bad news: Penguins only have sex once a year.
@ScottLinnen: Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa.