@internetluke: Being a software engineer is pretty cool because I can just stare at my screen/zone out & if anybody questions me I say I'm optimizing code
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@jonnysun: whenever i see sombody obsessively taking photos of the sunset, i go up to them & whisper "dont worry.. the sun is gonna come back tomorow"
@1Happytwit: Cats don't come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can't put them in the washing machine.
@NickBossRoss: "Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Actually I think it was when you hit me with your car-" "WE GOT AN ANGEL OVER HERE!"
@thatUPSdude: (Stalker Diary) Day 4: Still under her bed. She continues to put the toilet paper roll on upside down. It's like I'm living with a monster.