@DillDoes: Being a worm must great. Its like "wow that dirt was great I hope there's more" and there always is
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@XplodingUnicorn: Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that.
@That_Damn_Duck: If you feel like your parents didn't hug you enough as a child then it's probably because they didn't really want you. Good talk.
@MondayPajamas: *cleaning out wallet* Wife: Why don't you just buy a new one? Me: What? This thing's practically brand new *finds Nirvana ticket stubbs*
@3sunzzz: Monday 8am: I write a list of things that must get done today. Monday 6pm: I scratch MON off of the top of the entire list and write TUES.