@RobinMcCauley: Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
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@OneTrickTofani: [At Wedding] Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife? Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND Priest: TOO LATE. YOU'RE MINE NOW, IDIOT.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Jesus: Give them fingernails in case they start itching. God: Alright, but wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't reach their backs?
@Fred_Delicious: Me - "did Benjamin Button's pubes fall out or grow back inside his body?" Doctor - "no I meant what seems to be the problem with you"
@Guinz: You were all Pluto's not even a planet and now you're watching it from your space car all slow and creepy like. Jerk.