@onelongbender: When people tell me I'm intimidating, I generally just glare at them until they take it back.

@longwall26: *Paul Ryan watches a children's hospital explode* Hhhhmmm, an affordable source of heat and light

@Contwixt: "My water-bowl wasn't filled to its usual level so I stole your watch and peed in your shoes." --Cats

@AJslackie2: *Lexus dealership* Sales person: if you buy a new Lexus we will make the first months payment Me: so who makes the other 59 payments?

@that1bish27: I'm eating this banana sideways so my husband doesn't get the wrong idea.