@Shot_Of_Cabo: Why is your bio written in English but your tweets written in spaghetti?
@TheMichaelRock: Wait! What?!
The subway is flooded? WHAT ABOUT THE NINJA TURTLES?!
*prays*
@Bexdora: INFURIATING COLLEAGUE: Morning people!
ME: Morning...you look good...
IC: Thanks, I feel good!
ME: So much for Voodoo.
IC: What?
ME: What?
@StinkyGr33n: Me: "Hey Siri, what color are your panties?"
Siri: "Why would I be wearing panties?"
Me: "Oh, you're such a naughty girl, Siri."
@WheelTod: To avoid the risk of dangerous paradoxes I use my time machine only to skip, rewind & pause my TV shows; also saving $10/mo on renting a DVR
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