@KevinFarzad: Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
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@HousewifeOfHell: Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside
@ilovepie84: I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure
@JermHimselfish: If I ever found a unicorn it would probably only be about 5 minutes before I put it's horn in my mouth.
@Julian_Deane: I caught my nephew doing drugs with me last night.
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