@DelanieFischer: Being an adult means assuming someone's dead every time your parents call you at work.
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@michaelianblack: Ted Cruz thinks: 1. Presidents should pray every day 2. More prayers the better 3. Muslims pray 5x day 4. Ted Cruz wants a Muslim president.
@ElgatoEsmio: [An old thermometer breaks scattering mercury beads all over the floor] “Get out of here, NOW!" “Why?” “HAVEN'T U SEEN TERMINATOR 2?”