@DelanieFischer: Being an adult means assuming someone's dead every time your parents call you at work.
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@GauravBlue4ever: Church: Follow Jesus. Me: Does he follow back? Church: .. Me: .. Church: .. Me: Shoutout for shoutout??
@Puercotron: HER: Are you a dog or cat person? BRAIN:*be cool, she seems pretty great* ME: Whatever you want to eat is fine. BRAIN: *nailed it*
@dadofbieber: Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9 men.