@cloudybones: Being asked if you've read 50 Shades of Grey is like being asked if you've had steak at Applebees. You do know there's actual steakhouses?
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@rancheroni: football coach: i need you guys to make a play (8 months later at opening night) football coach: wait wtf is this
@samfromks: Heads up guys, if you ask your wife how to spell ménage à trois she's gonna want to know why.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* "Sir, where are the fitting rooms?" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*