@cloudybones: Being asked if you've read 50 Shades of Grey is like being asked if you've had steak at Applebees. You do know there's actual steakhouses?
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@meganamram: Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
@sixfootcandy: Sorry I sprayed bug spray in your face. Those fake eyelashes scared the hell out of me.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What's your greatest weakness?" Alcohol "Umm ok, how about strengths?" *pouring him a shot* Sharing