@Reverend_Scott: [being carried out of the zoo on a stretcher] not all hyenas are scared of the name Mufasa, I know this now
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@marebytes: I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom
@meganamram: Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote "blackbird" about Batman
@titanrn: Wife ran into my ex girlfriend today. I asked if she still looked good? Always wondered what the worst thing I could say was. That was it.
@BendyBacon: Grammar Tip: When the zombie apocalypse starts I will be using people who write 'would of' instead of 'would have' as human shields.