@Reverend_Scott: [being carried out of the zoo on a stretcher] not all hyenas are scared of the name Mufasa, I know this now
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@KoKeniSasquatch: My luck can best be described as: Loses $50 but finds a lighter. Shit. It's empty.
@platinum2000: "If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs.
@EmberToAsh: I wonder how many tragedies I’ve prevented by standing nearby with my hands on my hips saying “Be careful!”
@causticbob: Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog probably just thinks, "Awesome, now we're both barking."