@dhilliard74: Being eaten by zombies sounds less painful than running away from zombies.
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@DaddyJew: The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
@OrangeFact: [First Date] HER: I love dogs. ME: [Trying to impress her] Waiter, give us your finest Labrador - medium rare.
@RunwayDan: The word "defenestration" means "to throw someone out a window." Which means this happens so often we needed a word for it.