@virtualhippie: Being high in front of your parents is like trying to do your best impression of yourself.
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@JCWisdomNuggets: Server: Want one of our famous milkshakes? Me: Well, I saw your yard and it was empty. Server: Huh? Me: No boys. Server: Huh? Me: No thanks.
@Kid_topher: In high school, people called me "Superman" due to my light eyes and physical build. Also because I wore my underwear on top of my pants.
@Book_Krazy: [At Mall] Good cop: CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE! Bad cop: OFFICIAL POLICE BUSINESS Black Friday cop: *Segways past everyone & gets the last HDTV*
@juliussharpe: I was at the beach and the lifeguard blew his whistle at me. Dude, I'm 40. I'm not listening to a teenager in a bathing suit.