@JasonLastname: Being hungry again a half hour after eating Chinese food isn't about the food being Chinese, it's about you being American.
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@Bob_Heller: "May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?" "Um, there's no such thing." "There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"
@3sunzzz: M: If someone calls you the wrong name is it rude to correct them? Interviewer: I meant questions about the job, Kim. M: Well, I'm Ursula.
@bakedbrotatoes: -This is my son Michelangelo. -Oh, like the artist. -Um no like the Ninja Turtle.
@Fred_Delicious: [Girl takes off her clothes] "You have had sex before right?" [Me, in a suit of armor & holding a cauliflower] ... "no actually"