@MichaelLarrick: Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They'd be like "did you get my text?" and you could just be like "I can't read."
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@therealeatwood: BOB: Hey boss can I get another raise SCROOGE: But I just gave you… B: What’s that over there, is it a gho-o-o-ost?? Ooooooooo S: OK! OK!
@Reverend_Scott: I wonder if anyone besides me has the bumper sticker, "Proud parent of your wife's kid."
@bobvulfov: GPS: left—left again—take another left—ur gonna want to take this left—stay left NASCAR DRIVER: why is there a gps in here