@Jessdaisy: Being in your 40's is playing a constant game of, why does this hurt? Is the color of this ok? Where did this hair come from?
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@Laser_Cat: [skywriting] Karen, do you have the checkbook? The skywriting guy won't let me out of the plane until he gets his deposit.
@mortimermaiden: I was caught in a nuclear reactor with a jar of spiders in my pocket, so now I'm half man, half jar.
@AndyAsAdjective: "Daddy, did you know Pluto was recently reclassified as a dwarf planet, or plutoid?" "Sweetie, I'm pretty sure he's a dog."