@Jessdaisy: Being in your 40's is playing a constant game of, why does this hurt? Is the color of this ok? Where did this hair come from?
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@AtticusFinch79: [first date] Him: What are you passionate about? Me: *bats eyelashes* Taxidermy. Him: Animals? Me: Haha. Sure...
@zachreinert03: Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car