@buckweiser13: Being nice to people who don't deserve it is exhausting, but the feeling at the end of the day, when you're not in jail for murder, is nice.
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@mortimermaiden: Me: *doing magic trick* Is THIS your card? Guy: They're all my cards, give me my wallet back.
@FrenulumBreve: ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before. INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again.