@MoarCaffeine: Being poor means having to read the menu card from right to left.
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@Underchilde: I know I should be searching for my missing friend, but there’s a lot of food in his apartment that’ll spoil if I don’t eat it.
@MannyDiesel: Will smith literally runs in every movie. Name one movie he didn't run in. I'll wait
@Playing_Dad: I can't believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment
@AndrewChamings: Break bad news to teens by talking on THEIR level. ME [spinning on chair in daughter’s room]: Yo, turns out grandma’s heart is weak af.