@Doublelife64: Me to 4 yr old niece: your shoes are on the wrong feet Niece looks down and says: I don't have any other feet Outsmarted again.

@CopernicusG: Every so often I remember the gut-wrenching disappointment of 11th grade English when I read enough of The Great Gatsby to find out he was just some thirsty dork instead of a magician

@envydatropic: Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you're into fitness

@iGreenMonk: TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.

@BackrowSeats: Salads don't kill people. People who eat salads kill people.