@MoarCaffeine: Being poor means having to read the menu card from right to left.
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@zbinski: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
@maxhaarhaus: Her: so tell me a fun fact Me: the plural of octopus is really octopodes! H: I mean about yourself... M: ...I know the plural of octopus
@BoogTweets: More like "science UN-fair" *I walk away in slo-mo. The building explodes with baking soda lava* *I roll a smoke with my 2nd place ribbon
@RidiculousSheri: Him: What's your fantasy, baby Me: Me, you and my cat wearing matching sweatersWHERE ARE YOU GOING I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THE NACHOS