@TuffyNyC: Being popular on Facebook is like being the smartest kid in summer school.
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@jakob_huber: Ant: I found this book of what humans call us. I'm an ant Dung Beetle: What am I called? Ant: *checks, shuts book* Let's not focus on labels
@LoveNLunchmeat: Therapist sighs, sets down glasses, rubs the bridge of his nose. "For the last time, Christy, eating ham is not a life plan."
@suzieQ0007: People with stick figure families on their car: Oh look how cute we are! Criminals: I'll need 3 rolls of duct tape.
@RickyCoronaa: Earlier today I went to a girl's highschool soccer game and there was a rough play where two players went to the ground. I guess one of them pulled the other's hair so she gets up and says "I liked it better when your bf pulled my hair" not even the ref knew what to do. I fainted