@Kyle_Lippert: Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
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@What_A_Dame_42: Apparently it's not acceptable to moan when someone is demonstrating a choke hold on you in crisis prevention training.
@moneybreton: Top Fears 1.Walking on manholes 2.Driving, hit a deer, windshield breaks, deer caught and frantically bucks me to death 3.Christopher Walken
@Brianhopecomedy: *Puts on muscle shirt* *Looks in mirror* Maybe it takes a few minutes to kick in.
@Book_Krazy: [Doctors appointment] Me: It hurts when I go like this. *gets up and leaves and goes to work*