@Kyle_Lippert: Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Cashier: Such a GREAT day...how's your weekend? Me: *slides tampons across counter* Cashier: Nevermind...
@Mish3l_Ali: Girls can be so ungrateful, I made her breakfast in bed, & instead of saying "Thank You", she's all like "How did you get into my house!"
@TheHyyyype: [first date] HER: I'm really into guys with ambitions ME: *trying to impress her* that's perfect, I have two frogs
@Ellierocks2013: Sometimes I squat on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward Cuz that's how I roll..