@Free_the_DJ: Being single isn't always bad. Look at Kraft cheese for example.
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@scot4bz: I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and still haven't pooped it out. I'm getting really concerned.
@robdelaney: If you see someone over the age of 9 wearing sweatpants, pull them aside & say "Friend, you're wearing sweatpants." They might not know.
@That_Damn_Duck: One last time... It’s ‘a lot’ not ‘alot'! It’s that simple. Tomorrow we’ll cover thermonuclear fusion & the works of Voltaire.
@jazmasta: [speaking to an attractive lady] "How can a beautiful girl like you be single?!" "Dave, I literally dumped you 5 minutes ago. Please leave"