@AnkCoupleTO: [being stared at by a bunch of guys as I bathe in an airport washroom] can someone get my back please?
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@Elizasoul80: I tell my boyfriend I love him all the time and all he says are things like "make a left in 300 feet" and "you've reached your destination."
@HairyJew4Life: The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is coming early. Like father, like son.
@1Happytwit: You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective.