@sheseemslegit: Being unemployed has given me even more time to make up songs to sing to my cat.
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@therealeatwood: GOD: Moses!! I COMMAND YOU TO—can you take your shoes off MOSES: What? Why G: I’m trying to keep the place nice, OK? M: It’s a mountain
@yonewt: To print a document from your laptop: 1. Select document 2. Click "Print" 3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time
@thepunningman: "So how are the anger management classes?" We have to crochet stuff when we get mad "Sounds stupid" [I furiously make a beautiful cardigan]