@fillthevacuum: Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
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@Aspersioncast: So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper.
@Parentpains: Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.
@comer310: Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.