@fillthevacuum: Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
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@Steelers1972: My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I'm starting to think she really doesn't like lunch.
@primawesome: If the CIA has my house bugged they've heard several impromptu songs about my dog being a good boy.
@buttgh0st: COP: can anybody else describe the suspect? JOHN LENNON: he got feet down below his knees COP: anybody
@Brampersandon_: *catches son swearing through sign language* "We don't use that language in this house" *hands him hand sanitizer* "You know what to do"