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@fillthevacuum: Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
@JediGigi: Mom asked me what it's like being a single middle aged woman so I took a handful of cat & dog hair from my purse and threw it in her coffee.
@TheTimmyToes: *hires 2 personal trainers and makes one of them train the other one*
@DanMentos: *notices my tinder match has "catholic" in their bio*
me: so how long have u been addicted to cats
@UNTRESOR: "Why are you wearing?" - existentialist reporter on the red carpet
@IAmKatieOrr: I hope my childhood BFF forgot that silly pact we made at five to kill each other if we hadn't become ponies by 2015.
She was really dark.