@DanMentos: Ben Carson is my favorite candidate whose name sounds like a Transformer explaining to his kid why he hasn't seen him much lately
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@ForeverHairy: Me: Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms? Kids: WE DO! YAY!
@Lisabug74: One time I was really high and attempted to flush my foot down the toilet. There was no Twitter then, so I'm telling you now.
@AimeeHelene1: 'Dances with Wolves'... But it's just me, running around my backyard with an uncooked steak, screaming, while the neighborhood dogs bark.