@OhNoSheTwitnt: "Ben Carson makes stuff up" said Donald Trump, self-proclaimed zillionaire, demigod and unicorn owner.
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@BringDaNoyz: ME: I shot a man in Reno-- YOU: Just to watch him die? haha ME: I'm a desert photographer, Russell, you know this.
@RuinMyWeek: If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it's that I can leave my dog to watch my kids while I go out and party.
@robdelaney: Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono.