@OhNoSheTwitnt: "Ben Carson makes stuff up" said Donald Trump, self-proclaimed zillionaire, demigod and unicorn owner.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?" Nurse: "B positive." Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."
@jake_lach: <-----Will never confess the actual number of house cats he's forced outdoors when the owner wasn't looking
@mkpaulsen: My tinder profile says I love dogs but then on dates I elaborate that it is hot dogs and corn dogs