@crushingbort: Ben Carson's book includes a story about single-handedly halting a bear attack during a school camping trip
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@ArfMeasures: T-REX *runs past me* ME: woah more like tyrannosaurush T-REX *stops dead* ok you first. I'm gonna eat you first
@SteussieErica: [Calling guy I met in bar in '91] Me: Remember you said "Call me any time?" Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
@amydillon: My son just demanded to be changed into different pajamas for breakfast. Thanks, royal baby.
@WornOutMommy: I can't wait to jump on my kids' beds at 5am on Mother's Day, and holler "WHAT DID YOU GET ME?!?"