@HollyHeals: Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
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@rzarosco: Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
@fro_vo: [on a speed date] (okay don’t let her know you’re a zombie) “so, what do you like best in a woman?” BRAAAIIINNNSS
@unknownshoulder: Batman: "Shall we watch a film?" Superman: "Have you got Cape Fear?" Batman: "Only in revolving doors. Now, a film?"
@deardilettante: [hits you in the face with newspaper] "Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars."