@SeanInCypress: Benedict Cumberbatch is proof that a white guy banged a cat.
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@suzieQ0007: Most people who think I'm a nice person have no idea that I'd trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
@10InchesPlus: The hoodie & shorts combo outfit, because you almost understand how body heat works.
@BradBroaddus: Make sure your blind date from the internet has a big car. Nothing worse than a trunk with no leg room.
@ohen39: [on a romantic dinner date] girlfriend: *takes some of my fries* me: *quietly puts engagement ring back into my pocket*