@jferg1616: Best Buy: What's your street name? Me: FUNK MASTER FERG bia bia! Best Buy: No, the name of your street.
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@Dirty_Naomi: 2 Jehovah's witnesses knocked earlier, so I invited them in. I gave 1 the hoover & 1 a mop. If they can do Gods work, they can do mine.
@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?
@Marlebean: I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.