@ReactionBeyonce: Best senior quote ever
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@matt___nelson: [Fear Factor] HOST: and the first contestant to touch the puppy in front of them will be sent home *camera pans to me already holding puppy*
@cool_as_heck: Her: I have Netflix if you wanna come watch a movie :) Me: No it's ok, I have my own account [60 years later on deathbed] Me: Wait a minute
@nedostup: I can't stand lactose intolerant people who work at ice cream parlors. They can dish it out but they can't take it.
@trojansauce: [titanic] SAILER: but captain there's an ice berg right ahead CAPTAIN WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A SHARK: i said straight ahead