@_youhadonejob1: Best warning sign ever.
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@kharizzmaaa: Happy Mother's Day to the woman who told me "I could fall out at home" when I asked for Fall Out Boy tickets at age 14
@WheelTod: Major milestone today -- found my first grey pubic hair! But once I picked it out, the burger tasted pretty decent.
@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.
@gerryhallcomedy: My son used to check under the bed for monsters. So once I hid under there - so he'd see me and laugh. Anyway, child therapy is pricey.