@clindsaysway: Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine.
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@shkeeber: "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No you hang up" *slams phone* Why do I keep calling that parrot?!
@haveigotnews: Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album.
@iamspacegirl: pros of being a jellyfish: -gelatinous body type. -tentacles. -sting the shit out of anything that tries to hug you. -low expectations.
@paulablu22: Telling my daugthers date that "she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her." *Correct way to parent.