@clindsaysway: Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine.
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@Shira: Only in America would people violently trample each other for discounts, exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have...
@bridger_w: In time, the dust settled, and the dust took a job it hated and married someone it could barely tolerate
@_GrahamPatrick: GUY #1: You free next week? GUY #2: Let me just check my dairy. GUY #1: You mean diary yeah? *cow walks by with "dentist 11.30" on it*
@SwedishCanary: I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving