@clindsaysway: Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine.
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@maebemarbles: *Santa lifts a rug while sweeping and finds a dusty, crumpled note* "Please keep my family safe, love Bruce Wayne." *Santa grows very pale*
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid
@Phook75: The biggest problem with getting my picture taken is anytime someone says "Cheese!" My immediate response is "Where!!"
@meganamram: Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination