@TheRobCee: Better "copulate" than "copunever."
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@Sickayduh: The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. "Too pudgy to be a terminator" says one woman.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP "Wake up!" SLAM *runs back downstairs "No, he's not."
@419BillE: Friend- "You're drunk." Me- *mocking voice* "You're drunk." Friend- "Stop." Me- *morphs into clone of friend* "Stop."
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters