@kelkulus: Between IKEA and Burger King, I think it's safe to say we've all eaten entire horses by now.
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@danjan13: Swords just aren't naturally "wooooshy" enough for me, that's why I add the noise. That's why I add the noise, Janet.
@DainWins: [Driving w/date in car] Date [turns radio to country] Me [reaches over date, opens passenger door] This isn't working. [Hits eject button]
@davedittell: *takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune
@BiscuitFloater: Pro tip: Next time you're at a bar, go up to a woman & whisper "Hey, wanna get outta here?" If she says yes, you can sit where she was.