@kelkulus: Between IKEA and Burger King, I think it's safe to say we've all eaten entire horses by now.
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@DaddyJew: Boss:my office, now! Me:*to myself* dont be about Twitter dont be about Twitter B:we've had a sexual harassment complaint M:Oh thank God!
@DannyZuker: Because they need to bring young people to the church, insiders say the front runner for Pope is Seth MacFarlane.
@ewfeez: GENIE: you have found my lamp, so I must grant you four wishes ME: I thought it was three? GENIE: You need four
@Ideal_Victoria: Fun Fact: If someone’s car alarm keeps going off, you’re legally obligated to set the car on fire.