@ReactionBeyonce: Beyoncé didn't almost fall everyone else just messed up
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@noogscorner: Superman: Kinda sucks you can't fly. Batman: It's okay. Superman: Why? Batman: My planet hasn't exploded, so I can still walk and drive.
@mrtruthandsoul: I've decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* "May I help you, sir?" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme…
@cryptomanran: A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday. Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?