@ElmoYouNasty: Beyonce made a song called "Single Ladies" then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy
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@onelongbender: I don't think I get enough credit in my family for making my siblings look successful.
@ToneLoaf: If you beep your horn .004 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off the car, lay on the hood and feed the birds for an hour.
@rivalpunks: In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends.
@ramblinma: No, officer, I haven't been drinking; my toddler just needed to hand me everything from the back seat.