@Taylormatronics: Beyonce should have her own trampoline company.
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@mrjohndarby: [city marathon] ME *handing out drinks to the passing runners*: DRINK? RUNNER *grabs drink from me*: THANKS ME *chasing*: SO WHAT ARE WE?
@underchilde: [Bank robber]: “Time to make a hasty escape.” *Passes a store window full of kittens* *Stands there for six hours*
@cbdoubleu: *raises the bar 16 yrs later] Bar: even though you weren't my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad. *me trying not to cry