@causticbob: Beyonce: 'Who run the world?' Generally people who have at least a basic understanding of grammar.
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@chris_isloi: Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell "SPOILER ALERT!"
@FuckabillyRex: I made too much macaroni in a too small pot and I feel like that’s exactly what I look like in the t-shirts that used to fit me.
@david8hughes: [sees old friend after 4 years] "God, you were so fat back in school." "Yeah, well I lost a lot of it last year." "No you didn't."
@ReeseButCallMeV: I just cleaned out my purse. So, I'll be having a garage sale later this afternoon.