@ambamthankyamam: Bicyclists, it's one thing to hog the road, but it's quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
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@thetits: Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it
@ClassyKentucky: T: Have you done your homework? S: You graded my test? T: No I have other student's stuff to grade S: I have other teacher's homework to do.
@MartaEffing: [first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*