@hansmollman: Biden: How do I throw everyone off the White House Netflix account? I'll be damned if Trump is gonna mess up my suggested list
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@JediGigi: Him: ...and I asked you out because you're smart and pret-WHY ARE YOU POKING ME WITH A STICK? Me: To see if you're real or if I'm just high
@Gooooats: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Also, this is America so they all have guns.
@Cheeseboy22: BREAKING NEWS: 23 injured while running with bulls. Authorities say injuries happened because folks were stupid enough to run... with bulls.