@hansmollman: Biden: How do I throw everyone off the White House Netflix account? I'll be damned if Trump is gonna mess up my suggested list
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@Robinbuble: Carpenter ants are bullshit, I left a whole box of ikea furniture here, all they did was carry off my watermelon and steal a picnic basket
@Spaced_Cowboy00: A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.
@WheelTod: Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief