@armyVet1972: Big shoutout to the Red Robin waitress who checked my ID and immediately ruined the moment by saying, "Wow you're, like, older than my dad!"
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@UnderTheJewFro: If someone ever challenges you to a fight, pull your pants off and chase them crotch first. I'm currently undefeated with this method.
@abysmalkittybee: I never let people borrow my shoes, because if they walk a mile in them they'll know how much I exaggerate my problems.
@Henry_3k: As ice water runs down my face I conclude, "Boy, you sure like to eat bread!" is not a comment a lady on a dinner date enjoys hearing.
@Tylerosis: Let's do something we both know we'll regret in the morning. Let's order KFC for dinner.