@thebgcomplex: Bikini season is right around the corner...But so is Chipotle
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@dafloydsta: DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: Here we see the weakest of the herd in its natural habitat. [camera pans to me laying in bed eating cake]
@JohnLyonTweets: My sports-obsessed ex-wife didn't ask me for a divorce. She told me she was trading me for a player to be named later.