@rationalists: Bill Clinton is so getting laid tonight. Hillary is in Indonesia.
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@evildadatron: [first date questions] You like meat? I make killer beef jerky with leftover hobo carcasses...and she's gone Whatever she's probably vegan
@shutupmikeginn: Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar
@Arrogant_Twat: My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I need to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.
@megankcomedy: I like to eat spaghetti with my hands so people don't even have to ask how I'm doing