@rationalists: Bill Clinton is so getting laid tonight. Hillary is in Indonesia.
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@KateWhineHall: "Oh my gosh, this is the biggest donut I've ever seen." "Mam, that's a tire." "Kids, get me a napkin."
@slackerjorge: In store checkout behind beautiful woman in sleek black dress. She's buying tequila and a quart of motor oil. Sure like to know that story
@LaziestCanine: Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly
@AbrasiveGhost: GOD: I call them Water Buffalo ANGEL: But they live on land GOD: Yep ANGEL: GOD: ANGEL: u really dont care anymore do u GOD: Not a bit