@CallmeMrBigs: Bill Gates is giving 100k to help develop a better & safer condom. I don't care how good it is, im not wearing a condom that says Microsoft.
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@KeetPotato: [my 1st flight as co-pilot] me: [breaks 30 minute awkward silence] "so what do you do?" pilot: "i fly the plane keith"
@MartaEffing: I got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, but I was just laughing hysterically at the cost of organic vegetables.
@Vice_Queen: Calling bullshit on movies. Not once have I walked into a public restroom and found a gun taped to the back of the toilet.
@gvicks: Women's magazine Page 14: accept yourself as you are Page 15: how to lose 5 Kg in 2 weeks Page 16: best cake recipes ever..