@CallmeMrBigs: Bill Gates is giving 100k to help develop a better & safer condom. I don't care how good it is, im not wearing a condom that says Microsoft.
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@ericsshadow: I've made 2 terrible decisions in my life and they're both outside throwing rocks at the new neighbors.
@jwoodham: Welcome to college! Here's a list of our majors. Here's a list of majors that lead to unemployment. As you can see, both lists are the same.
@SeanEmeny: I treat women well cause I'm a real man. Also, if I'm nice to them maybe they'll come over and kill this spider for me
@Book_Krazy: Me: Both of our hamsters died and we just can't part with them Taxidermist: Would you like them mounted? Me: Um no, just holding hands