@DamienFahey: Billion dollar idea: An app that sends you a text when the light turns green.
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@WilliamRodgers: I turn 30 in like 4 and a half hours... I always said I'd retire from comedy if I hadn't "made it" by 30. ...So I've got like 4 hours left
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a "constellation prize" at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.
@envydatropic: It's cute how my family thinks I'm playing with fire and I'm just trying to cook them breakfast