@DamienFahey: Billion dollar idea: An app that sends you a text when the light turns green.
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@Playing_Dad: [At crime scene] Detective: You need to take this seriously Me: I am *picks up leg bone* Me: I found this humerus. Lol. D: You're fired.
@Manda_like_wine: Results are in: a lot of people took the "never change" yearbook inscription way too seriously.
@long_pussy_lips: Sober in an Uber: Please don't talk to me. I don't know you. Drunk in an Uber: I want to get married one day, but I put up emotional walls