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@darinlovesbacon: Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
@AmishPornStar1: I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it.
-inventor of powerwalking
@yoyoha: Father's Day was probably an awkward day in the Jesus household
@meganamram: With inflation, it would be Mambo No. 6.59 in 2013
@wittwitbarista: Most things in life aren't free. HOWEVER if you run fast enough, they are.
@iscoff: Sometimes if you say "Wow, you're tall!" to a tall person they realize they're tall for the first time and thank you with cash