@robrouse: Bin Laden's neighbours interviewed "we had no idea...he just kept himself to himself really..."
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@TheTweetOfGod: I am the King of the Universe and I have a son and he occasionally appears on grilled-cheese sandwiches. #yup
@Mr_Kapowski: "Will you marry me?" "The cookie was poison" "The lotto numbers will never win" Examples of why I got fired from writing fortune cookies
@StarWarsProblms: Emperor: Luke, kill Vader and become my apprentice. Vader: But why? I've been loyal. Emperor: Have you ever listened to yourself breathe?
@weenbeans: *rubs temples* security guard: Hey you! Stop touching the historic buildings at this ancient religious site!!