@robrouse: Bin Laden's neighbours interviewed "we had no idea...he just kept himself to himself really..."
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@jwoodham: When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyoncé Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She'd just show up one day like "I work here now."
@AthenaMystique: 20 year old me: *imagines awesome career, travelling the world, being in love* 32 year old me: *tweets*
@ElKnuckelhombre: My kid said he was gonna jump off the roof using a blanket as a parachute and I was like "That won't work you idiot. Go get my umbrella".