@markleggett: Bing is a fast search engine because you're the only person using it.
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@dafloydsta: I'm commonly known to my friends as "that nutty guy" Haha, just kidding. Squirrels can't talk.
@iinkedZombie: [after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!
@jlock17: Oohh, you play bass, as in the guitar. I thought you played bass, like the fish. I would've paid to see that.