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@jazmasta: Biology: The science of writing awesome bios.
@PeaceInTruth1: I've never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo.
@adult_keverage: Michael Phelps & I have a combined 19 gold medals & 4 DUI's.
@poopiest: "haha this costume party is great"
"sir PLEASE get off the table"
"cool librarian costume"
*sprays silly string*
"hey dude nice police costu
@stockejock: 'I HATE drama!' -Dramatic people
@k_lli: If you capitalize 'him' in your tweets I'm gonna automatically assume you're subtweeting god.