@jazmasta: Biology: The science of writing awesome bios.
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@abbycohenwl: [chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Historical fact: The term "bro" originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus.
@brennadine: [Coworker] Are you smiling at your stapler? No, just checking for spinach [Laughs nervously]. Oh, good. [Me, to stapler] Sorry baby I had to