@jazmasta: Biology: The science of writing awesome bios.
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@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a toddler who wanted his peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into triangles until you cut it into triangles
@Elizasoul80: [slashing food truck tires] friend: wtf are you doing?! [running away with arms filled with tacos] YOU COMIN OR NOT?!
@mrjohndarby: Interviewer: So you say you think you'd make a good addition here at our aquarium. Can you expand on that? Puffer fish: Yes. Yes I can