@IamEnidColeslaw: Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's live in a homeless man's beard.
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@baseballchickie: Friend: You're Catholic? Me: Yes F: And you eat meat on Fridays? M: I can guarantee if I'm going to hell it's not for eating meat on Fridays
@nurserycrimes: a romantic scene where we're running toward each other but then i run past you and pick up your dog
@PharmerRPh: Judge: "Reason for divorce?" Me: "Reconcilable differences." Judge: "Don't you mean irreconcilable?" Me: "Ugh. You sound just like her."
@MarieLoerzel: Sorry, I called you by accident. I was actually just trying to delete your number from my phone.