@IamEnidColeslaw: Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's live in a homeless man's beard.
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@shwebby3: Went off roading with my prius but ended up getting stuck on a bonsai tree in neighbor's front yard
@truegritrumble: HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.
@NoogsCorner: Cop: Why are your eyes bloodshot? Me: My girlfriend dumped me and I was crying... Cop: Oh. Me: ...so I smoked weed to feel better.