@krisv_723: Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it's arrests & psych evaluations.
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@kelkulus: I'm stuck in a meeting where a guy keeps saying "utilize" and "leverage" and I'm wondering if I should tell him about the word "use".
@mexinonblonde: Don't ever leave a bag of mini Heath bars at your desk to prove you can't be tempted.... Because Satan's game is strong
@tacos_y_cerveza: I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
@huntigula: confuse your coworkers today by telling them you're going to the restroom to do a "number 3"