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@shadonium: Birds shit on us because we tweet better.
@Habbibti: A grand jury is made up of a cross-section of the community.
I ride the train w/the cross-section & it's mostly people peeing on the floor.
@o__0Dev: The average Apple employee works 6 hours longer a day than an Apple battery.
@dshack8: "Lady In Red" is my favorite song about a guy that's trying to get laid even though he can't remember her goddamn name.
@Ellierocks2013: are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?
@trevso_electric: If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.