@shadonium: Birds shit on us because we tweet better.
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@jenlaw_11: Oh you're a Football fan? Okay then name 3 of their albums. Yeah. That's what I thought.
@bridger_w: FYI, you don't have to be a waiter in order to go in a restaurant and wander from table to table asking people, "How's everything tasting"
@shariv67: Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can't figure out how to return it.
@JermHimselfish: The only meal my girlfriend ever makes for me is alphabet soup because even when we aren't fighting she still loves to put words in my mouth