@shadonium: Birds shit on us because we tweet better.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AndyAsAdjective: Wear green for St Patty's Day! You don't wanna get punched! -You mean pinched [flashback to the 6 people I punched earlier] It's pinched?
@Playing_Dad: Me: Wanna hear a joke? Dog: sure Me: Knock knock *dog goes crazy barking at the door*
@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Daddy, what's a facial? Me: Your brother. 5yo: I don't have a brother!? Me: Exactly!
@StaceyShortcake: Accidentally sent a guy a ;) instead of a :), now one of us is probably pregnant.