@dumbbeezie: I just saw a woman outside sitting alone on a bench and staring at nothing and it made me so sad. I wonder what happened to her phone?

@4SLars: My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.

@dave_cactus: HUMPTY DUMPTY: Quick, put me back together! TOTO: There's nothing that 100 men or more could ever do. HUMPTY DUMPTY: …maybe call the horses?

@_making_friends: I'm currently between relationships. The couple on my right are kissing and I think the couple on my left are about to start doing it.

@JP_theAntiHero: Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face. I teared up a little. I get strippers, I get it.